Tuesday, April 24, 2012


Its that time of year again... National Infertility Awareness Week.  This years theme from Resolve is "Don't Ignore Infertility"... although, to someone dealing with infertility, that's like saying "Don't ignore the elephant in the room" or "Don't ignore whats staring you in the face every morning in the mirror" or "Don't ignore that needle as you plunge it into the soft tissue of your stomach".  Really, there's no way to ignore infertility for those going through it.  I get what Resolve meant and I understand that infertility and all that goes with it needs to be talked about... its not some shameful secret that people should carry around.  God knows I don't feel that way about it; my poor family and friends know more about my uterine lining and egg quality and The Husband's sperm count than they ever wanted to.  And I (and the Husband) are both okay with that.

I think one thing we need to not forget is that infertility is one hell of a battle to fight and you need an army behind you when you face it head on.  I think that the one thing that kept me (relatively) sane through our entire journey was the fact that everyone knew what we were going through.  There were a few people who were ignorant to our situation, but for the most part, our friends and families knew what we were going through.  We never had to deal with the "When are you guys going to pop out kids" questions or the like.  We had a HUGE and amazing support system who were there for us through the worst of times.  They knew what we needed and what we didn't.

After the first miscarriage, two of our best friends drug us out of the house and along with them to their wedding cake and catering taste testing.  They wouldn't let us wallow for too long and they MADE us get out of the house and on with our lives.

During the IVF miscarriage, Mom came out and held our hands in the ultrasound room as our blighted ovum was confirmed.  Everyone stateside wept with us and mourned with us and then helped us pick ourselves back up and moved on.

During our last miscarriage, our friends in England brought over junk food and chocolate and made sure my shifts at work were covered so we could have time off to grieve.  And again, everyone stateside mourned with us.

Every single time we've gone through a miscarriage or IVF, EVERYONE has gone out of their way to do whatever we needed them to do; even if it was giving us space for a few days and then picking up the phone.

Last mother's day, still licking my wounds from the hellacious previous year, I received a Mother's Day card in the mail and hand written on the inside was: "You deserve a Mother's Day just like the rest of us". I bawled my eyes out, but I felt validated as a mother... and it meant the world to me.

I realize that not everyone feels the same way I do and prefer to go through things in private.  And I know that a lot of people think that infertility and miscarriages and all that stuff should be kept private, but I am not one of those people.  I need to talk about it.  I need to have support and to have people to talk to.  I need to share what's going on and how I'm feeling.

All that support and love helped me... helped The Husband and me, get through everything we went through and still are going through.  And that is something I won't forget.  I won't forget the army of love and support that got us through the Infertility and the miscarriages.

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